Well, the hunt is over. I’ve found the antichrist. He’s right here. Alright, so maybe he’s not the antichrist, but he’s the closest we’ll find. The man is anti everything except Christ. Seriously. He hates bunnies, puppies, kittens, Christmas, Easter, ducklings, interracial relationships (kinda), the list goes on and on. This man may possibly be the evilest man to walk this earth since Regis Philbin. Yes, Regis Philbin is evil. Don’t believe me? I direct you to exhibit A:

Figure 1: Definitive evidence that Regis Philbin is both evil and immortal.

But seriously folks, this man could quite possible rival Regis. Have a look at the following (realistic) artist rendering:

Figure 2: Gabriel a.k.a. “The angel of death” in his true form.

Now you may have noticed that I labeled this as “in his true form.” You see, only young children and animals can see him like this. He sways and charms the children with his magical afro but animals cannot be tempted. Hence the reason for his hatred of animals. But the world will soon be rid of one of these two at least. You see, they’re can only be one. They’re probably going to face off in some sort of highlander-esque immortal battle. After 700 billion dollars (hmmmm… where did that funding come from?) and many years of sitting around the room drinking coffee and playing Halo, our scientists have teamed up with our graphical artists to present the most realistic interpretation of what this battle may look like.

Figure 3: The immortal battle of true evilosity. Philbin’s horns are bigger because he’s been evil longer.

You’ll have to stay tuned to donaldonwhatmatters to see who will win this eternal battle of evilness. Why? Because we outbid you losers and won the rights to broadcast the event. That’s why.