Relationships are great. I have nothing against them. I don’t really like being single for the most part and I really enjoy being in nice stable relationships. But they do really piss me off some times. Not that I’m being bitter or anything (alright, maybe a little), but I’m just really annoyed with everyone getting married.

Dude fails because he has standards and his douchebag friends are trying to lock down anything they can get.

Seriously, I’m 23 years old and it seems like half my friends are getting married or have already done so. And most of them are my age or younger. What the crap is the rush? Seriously, we’re young and have plenty of time to worry about marriage and all that soft stuff later. If someone is worth marrying, then they should still be worth it in 5-10 years. If not, you have no business marrying them to begin with. I feel like half the people I know just do it to lock someone down. If your self-esteem is that low then you need to go see a counselor you emo douchebag.

We’ve barely had a chance to establish ourselves as adults and develop lives of our own at this age. Some people are still living off mommy and daddy’s dime and arguably aren’t even real adults yet. So what makes them think they have the mental and social maturity to start their own family when they can’t even stand on their own two feet yet? There’s a reason the divorce rate in this country is 50%. It’s because douchebags are getting married in shallow attempts to find someone else to help support them since mommy and daddy aren’t there anymore. If you can’t be a stable, productive, functional member of society on your own then you don’t deserve to get married. You should be shipped off to China and fed tainted milk.

On a similar note, why the crap is everyone pregnant these days? A friend and I were at Wal-Mart (I know it’s evil, I don’t care) the other night and there must have been at least six different chicks who were preggo. Here’s a little piece of advice douchebags: If you’re going to be douches and get married before you can grow a full beard, don’t have babies. Seriously, that’s not the mandatory next step. Give it a few years so that your marriage has time to fall apart and you are left wallowing in your own stupidity. Spare the child a life of divorced parents who hate each other. If by some chance magical fairy penguins fly down from Canada and consecrate your marriage with everlasting moose blessings, then go ahead and start your family. But doing so before you know for sure that things are going to work out is completely irresponsible. Of course, that’s what I would expect from young douchebags who have spent their entire lives counting on mommy and daddy to bail them out.

On a more positive note, I am really happy for all my friends (and all you internet creeps reading this) who have found someone they really care about and who makes them happy. I’m not hating on them at all. I hope to find that soon myself (well, been there done that, but hope it actually works out for once). I just have a lot of standards and I refuse to lower them for anyone. I’m one of the best catches out there so if any woman wants a piece of this she will have to seriously step up her game. I mean I’m not even arrogant or conceited. J Anyhow, this is just aimed at all the douchebags who are using marriages and kids as crutches to help them escape their crappy single lives. Grow up, cut the umbilical cord, and deal with your life.